a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
