it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
