4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
