dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
