I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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