i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
