well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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