Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
