$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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