I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
