end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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