How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
