remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
