i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
