Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
