when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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