just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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