I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
