I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize