I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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