my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
