the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
