I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
