i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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