It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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