Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize