He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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