Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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