I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
