Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
