We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
