Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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