this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
