Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
