You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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