oh god the rape fog is back!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
