Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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