DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
