He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
