and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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