Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
