Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
