there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
