You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
