Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
