mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
