whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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