Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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