His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
