U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
