Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The adults are the big ones right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
