I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He shit in the fireplace
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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