it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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