ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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