I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
