i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
