how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
