shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
