She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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