His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Let's get the cat blown out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
