How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
