it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
