just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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