For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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