Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
