I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
