paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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