So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
