the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She told me I should be a condom model.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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