hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
