I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just google imaged poop.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
