You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
