I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
