so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
