So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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