Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
