I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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