Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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