I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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