Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
