i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
